Ex drug addict

[Gainz.]

lots of situations when people killed others, including their family, without being on roids. they just makes your short temper shorter. but it's the antidepressants and lots of other shit in the pharmacy that fuck up with your mind that make a person capable of doing such fucked up stuff

I find idiots in traffic... Or the express check out line cause me the most anger problems.
But the most rage... The most likely reason why I would snap and murder someone... Hearing someone chew with their mouth open at a nice restaurant... First of all... Don't fucking chew with your mouth open you fucking cow!!
Second... Chewing with your mouth open in a public setting where people are trying to have a nice meal and conversation... FUCKKKKKK YOUUUUI!!!!
I feel like that murder is completely justified. I'm pretty sure other restaurant patrons would cheer me on as I cracked your skull.

 

[Demi.Human]

He wasn't just on gear...
He was on gear... A shit ton of gear, a insane amount of pain killers and a few different antidepressants.
So while everyone loves to say "steroids made him kill his family"
They were only part of the cocktail in his system.
As someone who spent years on antidepressants... They steal your fucking soul. They numb you and your ability to feel emotions... Except for anger... I always had plenty of that.
So take one drug (Xanax) that steals your ability to feel compassion and empathy... And add another (tren) that can cause violent outbursts and intense moments of rage...

I think it was attributed to some kind of psychosis from repetitive head injuries, he had these patchy bits on his brain on scan photos.
Being known as the rabid wolverine won't have helped with people jumping to conclusions.
I'm way calmer on gear than off it, I had to fire someone yesterday and I got a load of abuse, which was understandable, but it just bounced off me.
Normally I'd ruminate on that. Tren making me chill, wtf is that about?

 

[Gainz.]

I think it was attributed to some kind of psychosis from repetitive head injuries, he had these patchy bits on his brain on scan photos.
Being known as the rabid wolverine won't have helped with people jumping to conclusions.
I'm way calmer on gear than off it, I had to fire someone yesterday and I got a load of abuse, which was understandable, but it just bounced off me.
Normally I'd ruminate on that. Tren making me chill, wtf is that about?

Yeah it's never just 1 thing that causes someone to do something... Except for meth or bath salts maybe.

But tren has cleared up my acne (on my face) and made me a total love bug.
I'm not angry... I'm just horny

 

[Parameddog]

I was addicted to war.

Seriously. After being under fire for the first time it sent my adrenaline through the roof; I wanted more and more and more. The problem was that each firefight became less of an adrenaline rush and so I began doing riskier and riskier things.

I did 3 back to back tours of Afghanistan making them 4 in total and 2 tours of Iraq. Throw in Bosnia and Northern Ireland, I spent more time on operations than I ever did in garrison.

All came to an end after a TBI and gunshot to my left shoulder, burnt legs etc. - Complex PTSD followed where my rage and anger was my withdrawal. I felt I could only function with adrenaline high. Realising I would never again be deployed with all my injuries, I started hitting the gym like a madman with 4 and 5 hour sessions. Then cardio for an hour and then I could sleep. Then Alcohol. 1 bottle of whisky then 2 and then 3 a day...

Don't drink now, moderate my time in the gym mainly because I would end up with repetetive strain injuries and a divorce. My girl is the focus of my world and my dog. The gym just manages my bad temper. And so the spiral begins...

 

[Gainz.]

I was addicted to war.

Seriously. After being under fire for the first time it sent my adrenaline through the roof; I wanted more and more and more. The problem was that each firefight became less of an adrenaline rush and so I began doing riskier and riskier things.

I did 3 back to back tours of Afghanistan making them 4 in total and 2 tours of Iraq. Throw in Bosnia and Northern Ireland, I spent more time on operations than I ever did in garrison.

All came to an end after a TBI and gunshot to my left shoulder, burnt legs etc. - Complex PTSD followed where my rage and anger was my withdrawal. I felt I could only function with adrenaline high. Realising I would never again be deployed with all my injuries, I started hitting the gym like a madman with 4 and 5 hour sessions. Then cardio for an hour and then I could sleep. Then Alcohol. 1 bottle of whisky then 2 and then 3 a day...

Don't drink now, moderate my time in the gym mainly because I would end up with repetetive strain injuries and a divorce. My girl is the focus of my world and my dog. The gym just manages my bad temper. And so the spiral begins...

My cousin had a similar "problem"
Him and I have had countless conversations about his deployment. (He's the only person I've ever really had a open and honest conversation with about being in a warzone and everything that comes with it) The things he's done, what he's proud of... What he's not so proud of. The parts he enjoyed the most....
Well... What I've learned is... Apparently not everyone has PTSD from pulling a trigger.
That part was... Well easy for him. He said being in war was incredibly long stretches of boredom. Like counting ceiling tiles kinda boring. With moments of the greatest adrenaline rush you could ever imagine. "Like bungee jumping while having people shoot at you" was his words.
He ended up getting a really nasty cut on his leg during a fire fight. Unfortunately because of the situation and location of his deployment
He was in the 160th SOAR
So he couldn't tell me everything. But unfortunately his leg got a really bad infection... Like skin falling off... Bone showing kinda shit. Unfortunately it did irreversible damage to his calf muscle so he could no longer be sent over to fight.
That's when his mental health took a hit.
It wasn't the action, fighting for his life or even... Um... "Engaging with the enemy"
It was knowing his brothers needed help and he couldn't go and help.
Before this I always thought most people with PTSD had it because they killed other people, or the stress they were under during fire fights. While sometimes that is the case... I found more people than you think have no problem pulling that trigger and can handle the pressure just fine. It's when it stops... That's when the problems occur. Especially if they are made to stop. He definitely wasn't ready to stop. He really wanted to be a green beret.
he's doing ok, he's got a family and a little girl. But he is always bringing up "if I didn't get hurt"

 

[suppsforlife]

I was addicted to war.

Seriously. After being under fire for the first time it sent my adrenaline through the roof; I wanted more and more and more. The problem was that each firefight became less of an adrenaline rush and so I began doing riskier and riskier things.

I did 3 back to back tours of Afghanistan making them 4 in total and 2 tours of Iraq. Throw in Bosnia and Northern Ireland, I spent more time on operations than I ever did in garrison.

All came to an end after a TBI and gunshot to my left shoulder, burnt legs etc. - Complex PTSD followed where my rage and anger was my withdrawal. I felt I could only function with adrenaline high. Realising I would never again be deployed with all my injuries, I started hitting the gym like a madman with 4 and 5 hour sessions. Then cardio for an hour and then I could sleep. Then Alcohol. 1 bottle of whisky then 2 and then 3 a day...

Don't drink now, moderate my time in the gym mainly because I would end up with repetetive strain injuries and a divorce. My girl is the focus of my world and my dog. The gym just manages my bad temper. And so the spiral begins...

you're not the only one who found the gym their life savior. glad it worked for you and glad you've stopped drinking.
how are you dealing with PTSD?

 

[Parameddog]

you're not the only one who found the gym their life savior. glad it worked for you and glad you've stopped drinking.
how are you dealing with PTSD?

I had a 2 year in & out patient stay at HEadley Court, our Military tehabilitation centre. The physical wounds heal and the burn scars are minimal, look like freckles up my leg. Nothing you'd raise an eye at.

The unseen injuries are the odd thing. If I miss the gym if my routine gets jolted, I spiral. It was only when I was diagnosed with Autism earlier this year did the therapist comment that the normal and accepted therapeutic approaches may not be the best for me. There appears to be no answer, so I delve into the gym - that's my therapy (and playing COD). The hand/eye coordination of keyboard & mouse to eye soothes my anxiety. The game itself is just that, a gmae, no problems. I can't watch modern war films, like Gainz said, it's not the fighting that broke me. It was helping fill body bags with people who were closer than family and the fact I felt a failure and have this urge to help my brothers and sisters. It pains me to see us all having left both countries in a state which is worse (IMO) than when we went there. It's painful.

That said - I am alive, I can and must make a positive impression on society - that is why I am a paramedic - I feel I am still helping and I don't have the emotional attachment to the patients I see like I did with my friends.

That's also why I don't make friends in the real world - the internet is great for anonymity and so I can write what I wrote without fear of ridicule (oh yeah, really does happen).

 

[Gainz.]

That's also why I don't make friends in the real world - the internet is great for anonymity and so I can write what I wrote without fear of ridicule (oh yeah, really does happen).

That makes me angry on a whole different kind of level.
The fact that people who have no fucking idea... Can just rip into people because of ignorance and boredom...
Id really like a few minutes alone with them.
Because I've seen exactly what you mean, just watched a video of a cop saving a baby from it's mother who was trying to drown it. (now I'm not the biggest fan of police)
But you can hear this cop trying not to cry as he's working on this child. He's desperately trying to save this babies life and fighting back tears. Thankfully he does get the child breathing again.
But the comments... Jesus fucking Christ... Some people... I just don't understand that level of hate and ignorance.

 

[Parameddog]

I'm with you there - live and let live. Life is too short man.

 

[suppsforlife]

That makes me angry on a whole different kind of level.
The fact that people who have no fucking idea... Can just rip into people because of ignorance and boredom...
Id really like a few minutes alone with them.
Because I've seen exactly what you mean, just watched a video of a cop saving a baby from it's mother who was trying to drown it. (now I'm not the biggest fan of police)
But you can hear this cop trying not to cry as he's working on this child. He's desperately trying to save this babies life and fighting back tears. Thankfully he does get the child breathing again.
But the comments... Jesus fucking Christ... Some people... I just don't understand that level of hate and ignorance.

there's just too much hate. I tend to believe that it was always like that, but I just can't understand why.
a person tends to hate another without even knowing him or her. without knowing anything at all about that person. what they're like, what they think, what they do etc. and yet, some people hate for the most meaningless and stupid reasons. I least, i find those reasons stupid and meaningless.

 

[Memphisgears]

Was wondering if anyone else was an addict before? I was a real bad addict for like 8 years and am now over 3 years clean. But find working out and gear usage has become my new addiction. It’s all I think about. I love reading up on all different kinds of gear and their effects. I’m obsessed with this lifestyle now. Anyone else like this???

Ex addict here.