Masculinity question

[PedritoHID]

Hello browskies,

I've interested in this topic a long time ago since I started to see how society turns men into weak beta bitches, and for all of us who didn't have a strong father figure the meaning of masculinity is conflicted.

For example, I was in a relationship in which I was weak beta bitch, gave her everything she wanted, never said no, I guess I never was a "man", in the end I got no respect and she left me.

But again who show you how to be a man when you didn't have a strong father figure, society is feminine, and in school 99% of teachers are female?

I've been in this journey to reclaim my inner masculinity since 2 years, 8 months ago I found this forum and everything has been for the better, but still I'm not there.

What's your definition of masculinity? How do you go about it every day? You can talk about it with respect to social settings, women, work, friends, family, etc.

 

[Twizted]

I never really had a father, I mean he lived nearby but was always in and out of prison and always on/selling drugs. We were more associates than father/son. I had to provide for myself at a young age, and everything I wanted/needed came from my own hard work. I think this is what helped me learn to be masculine. That and the fact I seen everyday what the world does to weak men, in my backwoods town weak men get used, abused, and disposed of.

 

[Aussie]

Just because you tried to look after your x and make her happy it doesn’t make you a beta. Some females can’t be happy and if you had said no she would have left you earlier.
Trust me you are more of a man for trying to show love and support to a bitch who used you.

 

[dohcsvt]

I had a very masculine father figure, the type that told me if I didn’t beat someone’s ass at school after an altercation, that he was going to beat mine! He also hit my mom, quite a lot it seems like. Anyway, I have been married 25 years to a woman I almost never say no to and we have a great relationship, thing is she respects what I do for us and doesn’t ask for much. I don’t think having a masculine father figure necessarily plays into your life choices as much as your own personality and thought process. The whole nature over nurture thing.

 

[suppsforlife]

Just because you tried to look after your x and make her happy it doesn’t make you a beta. Some females can’t be happy and if you had said no she would have left you earlier.
Trust me you are more of a man for trying to show love and support to a bitch who used you.

agree with this.
masculinity is not about saying no to your woman, it's about doing masculine things such as important life choices that a weak beta bitch "man" wouldn't do. Taking responsibilities and being responsible. Keep your word. And never giving up regardless of how hard it is. After all, a man should take care of his family. weak bitchy boys nowadays wouldn't take care of themselves, let alone other people

 

[bobby ricky]

agree with this.
masculinity is not about saying no to your woman, it's about doing masculine things such as important life choices that a weak beta bitch "man" wouldn't do. Taking responsibilities and being responsible. Keep your word. And never giving up regardless of how hard it is. After all, a man should take care of his family. weak bitchy boys nowadays wouldn't take care of themselves, let alone other people

Agree totally

 

[bobby ricky]

Guy’s I thought were men are going to baby showers and gender reveal party’s. U will never catch me at either . Just because you’re invited doesn’t mean you have to go

 

[Deleted member 45086]

Guy’s I thought were men are going to baby showers and gender reveal party’s. U will never catch me at either . Just because you’re invited doesn’t mean you have to go

How dare you still be a man Bobby Ricky.

 

[zakco]

What a great topic! I'm 45 and learning how to be a real man is hard. Masculinity is something the world NEEDS.....however it must be healthy. Though I am a horrible example and I struggle every day. When I get myself into trouble(which is often) I remind myself.
1. A man NEVER loses his temper.(There is no reason I should ever let anyone or situation rattle me.)
2. Integrity and Honesty. (Mean what you say and follow through....admit it when you fuck up)
3. Never apologize for anything that was wasn't your fault. (Admit your wrongs....but don't take shit for things you didn't do)
4. With women....let go of beauty. Once you can tell a super hot girl to pound dirt!!! You own relationships.

 

[PedritoHID]

I've read a bunch of books, examples, No More Mr Nice Guy, The Book of Pook, How to be 3% Man, The Rational Male series, Fuccfiles, The Unplugged Alpha, among others.

Like I said I've always struggled with this, but all the books have one thing in common, internalize that masculinity is what drives the world, we are here today because of it, that every empire that neglected masculinity has failed (US will be next), and that Men are the prize to be won because we add so much value to women.

But the hardest part of all this is fucking internalize it in your mind and change your thinking, that's my biggest struggle with all the programming since childhood and not having a strong father figure.

 

[Gainz.]

Wow we're very different people. Not that that's a bad thing... but my dad is my hero. We talk constantly, my parents are still together. Just celebrated 42 years of marriage. (I love my mom too)
But I've always been a "alpha male" I grew up fighting. Always getting suspended or some kind of trouble for fist fights. I started dating girls early. lost my V at 13. I've been with... way to many women. (Really kind of ashamed of that now) i didn't always treat them well. Didn't hit them or yell at them. I don't think real men yell at or abuse women. Never understood why you would challenge someone smaller and weaker than you... that's not manly! But I did cheat... a lot, and took them for granted... put myself first. I'm not proud of this. I've definitely learned from my youth. Having a daughter definitely changed some things. But now I'm in a very healthy relationship... the most healthy I've ever been in.
But I do things for her because I want to, not because she expects it, or I think it will make her like me more.
But masculinity to me... its doing something that needs to get done and not bitching about it. Knowing the lawn needs to get mowed, but its 95° out. Just getting up and doing it without huffing and puffing, bitching to your girl that it's hot, telling your neighbors that this heat is to much. No one cares how you feel... so stfu and get it done! That's how I treat most things. Theres a joke I like to make when I'm doing something no one else wants to do, like a few days ago at work I was rolling up a 150ft high pressure hose. The guy I was working with said "doesn't standing like that hurt your back" I laughed and said "no, I got a shot when I was 13 called Be-A-Man" and he just kinda chuckled and walked away. I could of told him... yeah after a while my back hurts, or just 2 days prior I pulled a muscle in my quad (that's still healing actually) but no I sucked it up and got shit done. That's masculinity to me. I use to think it was how many girls I could sleep with, or how many at once, or how tough i was, how many fights I was in (I was such a asshole) but with time I learned that doesn't matter.
Its doing what needs to get done and being there for others that need you. Its letting other people unload their problems onto you... and you carrying that weight for them, not unloading your shit back onto them.
Like any dads here, if you're kid has a bad day in school you listen and try to help them figure it out. You don't turn around and tell them all the problems you had at work.
Its whacking your funny bone at work and just taking the pain and going on about your day, not yelling and screaming and trying to get as much attention as you can.
"Showing everyone your boo-boo"

I'm not saying I'm right or wrong, that's just my opinion. Trust me I still have a lot of learning and growing to do!
But the one piece of advice I want to give is don't spend your time worrying about other people. Because I can guarantee you they aren't worried about you!
My buddy Sean has always struggled with relationships. He always.... how do I say this without sounding like a . He goes to hard to soon. He either spoils them to much to fast. So at a certain point the girls are just using him as a bank. Or he gets to clingy to fast and does the whole "I like you like you" thing by week 3 and scares them off. Women are a tricky beast... luckily I've always found it easy to talk to them and start relationships... keeping them is another story.
But that's a different topic.

 

[PedritoHID]

Or he gets to clingy to fast and does the whole "I like you like you" thing by week 3 and scares them off.

I have a weak dad and a super overbearing needy mother, my mom didn't get their needs met with him, so I was used as an emotional tampon with her since young age, eventually I grew up with that mindset of pleaser bitch mentally.

The example you gave about friend, that was exactly me, "If I'm so good with them, why she always go with this fucking asshole who cheats on them (GainzBandit)" I spent my time studying, good job, good carrier, where them hotties are?

I've changed my mindset since I've started, definitely have improved and I know I have a long way to go, but its great reading your experience, thanks for sharing

 

[PedritoHID]

Career* I can't edit for some reason

 

[Gainz.]

I'm not bragging in any way... I've always done extremely well with the ladies... and I took advantage of that. Honestly it dictated my life for a long time. So much of my time and energy went into being a "player" juggling multiple women, sleeping with their friends... instead of worrying about my friends or family... or my career. I worried about how hot the girl I was dating is, or how many different ones I could get in a week. Looking back at it... it was a really pathetic way of life. While friends were going to or graduating from college, landing extremely successful jobs, doing things their families could be proud of.... I'm completely wrapped up in trying to set up my next 3 way. Sure my friends thought I was cool. But not exactly something my mom could brag about to her friends. My ego was always a issue, having a massive.... ego... always thinking I was king dick just got me into trouble.
When the girl I'm with now asked me how many girls I've been with... I lied. I was ashamed to tell the truth. My first thought was if she had that high of a number... no way in hell would I be with her. Something I thought was so fucking cool, something i spent so much effort doing... has become something I'm truly ashamed of now. I've sense told her the truth. I've had relationships based on lies... never again.
All we can do is learn from our mistakes and try to be better.

 

[PedritoHID]

I'm not bragging in any way... I've always done extremely well with the ladies... and I took advantage of that. Honestly it dictated my life for a long time. So much of my time and energy went into being a "player" juggling multiple women, sleeping with their friends... instead of worrying about my friends or family... or my career. I worried about how hot the girl I was dating is, or how many different ones I could get in a week. Looking back at it... it was a really pathetic way of life. While friends were going to or graduating from college, landing extremely successful jobs, doing things their families could be proud of.... I'm completely wrapped up in trying to set up my next 3 way. Sure my friends thought I was cool. But not exactly something my mom could brag about to her friends. My ego was always a issue, having a massive.... ego... always thinking I was king dick just got me into trouble.
When the girl I'm with now asked me how many girls I've been with... I lied. I was ashamed to tell the truth. My first thought was if she had that high of a number... no way in hell would I be with her. Something I thought was so fucking cool, something i spent so much effort doing... has become something I'm truly ashamed of now. I've sense told her the truth. I've had relationships based on lies... never again.
All we can do is learn from our mistakes and try to be better.

Now at my 32 I wanna live that life man, I never developed the girls skills lol

 

[Gainz.]

Now at my 32 I wanna live that life man, I never developed the girls skills lol

Hahaha, you need to find yourself a nice bi girl. I did... shes mentally stable and we get along great. But she likes chicks... so every once in a while I get to scratch that itch... if you know what I mean.

But what I've noticed in life is... no ones ever happy. People always want what they can't have. I had the stacked "black book" and I'm ashamed of it, you're dying for it!
People who can't gain weight just want to be big, people who are big just want to be smaller... girls with straight hair want curly hair. Everyone thinks they are missing something...
That said if you have never had more than 1 girl in your bed... you're definitely missing out. I've actually heard good things about those pick up artists. But after covid and everything being online... it's a different world brother

 

[zakco]

Hahaha, you need to find yourself a nice bi girl. I did... shes mentally stable and we get along great. But she likes chicks... so every once in a while I get to scratch that itch... if you know what I mean.

But what I've noticed in life is... no ones ever happy. People always want what they can't have. I had the stacked "black book" and I'm ashamed of it, you're dying for it!
People who can't gain weight just want to be big, people who are big just want to be smaller... girls with straight hair want curly hair. Everyone thinks they are missing something...
That said if you have never had more than 1 girl in your bed... you're definitely missing out. I've actually heard good things about those pick up artists. But after covid and everything being online... it's a different world brother

Gainz is 100% we all want what we don't have...human nature. My girl is literally my porn fantasy...Asian and I still fantasies about blondes. Bottom line sounds cliche but it is
very true. If you're not happy today with what you have you wont ever be. Being human is rough.

 

[Gainz.]

Gainz is 100% we all want what we don't have...human nature. My girl is literally my porn fantasy...Asian and I still fantasies about blondes. Bottom line sounds cliche but it is
very true. If you're not happy today with what you have you wont ever be. Being human is rough.

Dude you ain't kidding!
You know what's weird but I've found "window shopping" has made me a happier person. I'll search for stuff I want but don't need. Like a new surround sound for the house. I'll spend weeks doing research, looking at new speakers, subs, new cables and wires, ect. I'll build the perfect surround sound in my cart. But I won't order it! Why? Because wanting it is more fun than owning it! Any time I feel kinda off or I feel unhappy... (I'm still struggling with my mental health... but that's life now apparently) I'll just go shopping online. For quads, drones, custom building shoes on Nike. Because I slowly realized wanting these things is more fun than owning them. Once you own it.. it's cool for a bit, but then you want more. I have so much crap in my basement that I really wanted for a time .
Now the only stuff I really buy is stuff for my home gym.
Lately my new thing I've been building is a bike.. like a pedal bike. But I actually might buy that, really been thinking about riding to work, getting the cardio in. Plus I have 2 pitbulls that would enjoy the running

 

[zakco]

The thrill is in the hunt....not the kill. Funny how those leather seats feel different after you wrote the check. Especially with women....as a man I always seem to hinge happiness on the next piece of ass. Once I get her(perfect ass or tits whatever) it no longer is anything I want. Women, gear, money, 10%bf...happiness isn't obtained. It's manifested...ever see a total loser who doesn't give a shit he is a failure?.....who is the loser?

 

[PedritoHID]

What a great topic! I'm 45 and learning how to be a real man is hard. Masculinity is something the world NEEDS.....however it must be healthy. Though I am a horrible example and I struggle every day. When I get myself into trouble(which is often) I remind myself.
1. A man NEVER loses his temper.(There is no reason I should ever let anyone or situation rattle me.)
2. Integrity and Honesty. (Mean what you say and follow through....admit it when you fuck up)
3. Never apologize for anything that was wasn't your fault. (Admit your wrongs....but don't take shit for things you didn't do)
4. With women....let go of beauty. Once you can tell a super hot girl to pound dirt!!! You own relationships.

So I started reading and posting in this forum, CENSORED, its a men's forum for men, there you see a lot of people posting about marriage, social and dating life, asking for advise and sharing notes, pretty much like this one, iron sharpening iron, if you're interested.