Starting my blast today!!

[Gainz.]

Sometimes I live in the moment as well and count my blessings. Ive been brought back to life over 20 + times . Ive been kept alive by machines and given my last rights before they were going to put me in the ground ,then I came back to life . Ive been through some fucked up shit as a little kid that really fucked me up in the head. There is a reason we were kept around and we live to tell about it . Now we have to live our best life and help another .Im loving life myself and sometimes I hold my breath and ask why me .. Here is a little secret my friend . "if you do good ,you will feel good" No need to get that from a pill, fix or a blast. I fucked my body up living 2 different lives because even though I was an addict I still made it to the gym and it took a toll on my body... Hence my test levels are low as fuck lol.... Not anymore though lol

Yeah I have enough horror stories for a few lifetimes.
I've seen people hit the self delete button over much less than I've been through.
But now that I'm on the other side I try to be positive and spread positivity.
I've been actively looking for a way to help other guys with mental health issues.
I know there's so many guys out there who are struggling and I'd love to help.
I lived that life for a long time... Hoping every day would be my last. Even found comfort in the thought "well at least I can do it tonight if my life gets any worse"
You know it's bad when that's the thought that brings you joy. I was sure taking enough drugs to make it a possibility.
My girl actually saved me twice. Once showing up while I was in the middle of an OD throwing up all over myself and choking on it. Then again the very next night... After she told me she couldn't deal with it anymore... I spent the next few hours rocking on the side of my bed with my "click clack" in my mouth trying to work up the balls to move that 2lb lever. But thankfully she showed up unannounced and when I heard my doorknob turn I hid it under my bed and acted like everything was fine.
Well I tried to... We then spent the next several hours talking and I told her... Everything.... And I mean everything. That's pretty much the night that changed my life. I immediately started getting clean then a month or 2 later started lifting. Built back a relationship with my family. And now my life is as close to perfect as I think is possible. I really don't think I deserve what I have... Probably why I feel like I can lose it at anytime.
But that's why I want to help other guys so bad. I know what it's like to be at that kind of low. But I also know that it's possible to make it through... And not only through it but come out better on the other side.
Within 3.8 years of that night rocking on my bed... I have a beautiful fiancee, a job making the most money I've ever made, a fantastic relationship with my family and friends, at 36 I'm in the best shape I've ever been in.
I could say more about my life... My 25 pairs of shoes, collection of Chuck's, all my clothes, watches, jewelry, dogs, snakes, all my toys like guns (irony I know), knives, bikes, kayaks, car audio... I have more hobbies and collectibles than I know what to do with. Or my sex life and how I haven't missed a day in 134 days now (of some kind of sex )
But if I mentioned any of that people just think I'm bragging .
(I guess I mentioned it huh)

But I only say that because 4 years ago I had nothing. On the verge of losing my apartment and all I had was my bed a TV and some clothes. Everything I had of value was pawned to feed that monster.
So I really appreciate what I have now... Everything I have!

I used to hate sharing my story... Felt so ashamed of what I did and what was done to me. But now I share it often. Not only because I'm proud of how far I've come but I know people can relate and it might help someone else whose struggling

 

[suppsforlife]

your story is awesome. and we all should be thankful for sharing it. I thought about the exact same:

and it might help someone else whose struggling

 

[Gainz.]

your story is awesome. and we all should be thankful for sharing it. I thought about the exact same:

I didn't actually share my story this time... Just the kinda outline .
But I'm pretty sure I have shared most of it threw my years here.

I guess what I've learned is... With the wrong woman by your side, your life can be a giant shit show.
But with a good woman... Life can be a lot of fuckin fun!

Day 135

 

[CeasarIM]

Gainz ,,Im proud of you . It takes a real man to look deep inside and change everything ,,not just some things . I feel what you are saying .
Lifting weights and working out was always my passion . Drugs really derailed me and made things impossible . Now I get to live and love the life I was meant to live . Before the flame went out . I mentor people now and share my story . Ive been locked up with the worse people you can imagine ,serial killers , rapists ,and murderers in one of the worse places . As a matter of fact National Geographics was filming a segment when I was locked up about worse jails in the country .Thats the past now onto he future.

 

[Gainz.]

Yeah I was in a major downward spiral.
I went from taking drugs for pain, to taking them because I had to. Then taking them as a way to escape from my day to day life that I fuckin hated. My ex made my life so fuckin miserable. Then I started taking them hoping I wouldn't wake up. All the while spending more and more money... Problems pulling up. But just as long as I was high... I was good. I didn't need food or respect... Just Xanax and opioids.

I to this day don't know why my girl got with me.. well... I have one big reason... .
But I was a self loathing fuckin failure.
But like I said before... She helped me in more ways than I could ever explain.
I love that woman more than I love myself.

At this point she's used to the new me.
The happy, giant ego, fun having prick I am.
Every once in a while she'll make a comment like
"I feel like I'm cheating on the old you with this new version"
And sometimes she regrets this monster she made .
But we have turned into this fuckin power couple and I couldn't be happier.

 

[suppsforlife]

And sometimes she regrets this monster she made .

and I guess we know when

 

[Gainz.]

and I guess we know when

Actually a few reasons... Every night around 9:15pm .
When we're getting dressed to go out and I'm hogging the mirror.
When I feel someone is being disrespectful and my ability to shut that shit down.
She says I'm way too protective over her... But I don't care. I know how fucked this world can be.

 

[suppsforlife]

But I don't care. I know how fucked this world can be.

and you're definitely right about it.

When we're getting dressed to go out and I'm hogging the mirror.

i guess we've all been there

 

[Gainz.]

and you're definitely right about it.

i guess we've all been there

Every single week I get a FB notification that a girl/woman from the age of 13-55 goes missing within 10 miles of me. Every single week like clockwork. Her cousin just went missing last week. Granted her cousin didn't live the most... Wholesome life and struggled with her own demons. But not all of these girls are addicts. Everywhere from highschool girls to soccer moms. It's fuckin terrifying! So when I'm home and she has to go out, I go with her. When I'm at work and she has to go out... She's strapped for war.
Sig 9mm, pocket knife, pepper spray(on her keys), monkey fist (on her keys), 36" breaker bar in the trunk, another pocket knife in the driver side door. Plus she has the advantage of being quite "intimidating " towards men.
I'm sure most of us don't see it... I get glimpse of it because I spend so much time with her. But she has decent muscle tone and very wide shoulders for a girl. But I've had several of my male friends tell me that my girl is "intimidating" or "scary" or have said something like "she's the last girl I'd want to piss off"
She's a little white girl who grew up in the ghetto so was in fights constantly, plus grew up with a piece of shit drunk of a father who would beat her because he didn't like the way she vacuumed. So she's not afraid of violence... Or men. I can't tell you how much that last part scares me.
I tried to explain to her... The level of ass whooping I give to someone is a lot different if they hit me... Or even yell at her. But if I saw a guy hit her... ... I'm terrified of what I would do. But still.. she's just not afraid. And judging by what she did to her 6'2 ex... I understand why .
She's a tough little bitch.. we wrestle constantly and she puts up a fuckin fight for how little she is.. and with her years of kickboxing she definitely doesn't hit like a girl.
But even with her "fuck off attitude" and several ways of defending herself... It still scares the shit out of me every time she leaves the house.

And as for hogging the mirror... Yeah I've gotten pretty bad. My wardrobe has exploded and I've definitely fallen in love with myself again. I've been wearing some pretty wild shit lately and almost every time I leave my house I get some kind of compliment.
Not only is someone who is muscular a rare thing where I live... A guy wearing pink... Almost never. The odd pink golf shirt here and there.
So when I walk around I feel like a fuckin alien.
But... I feed off the attention.
Just went and bought my first leather jacket because none of my old jackets match my new style.

I've really turned into an attention whore
But I almost always get smiles now. I used to get a lot of dirty looks, but ever since I started wearing a lot of pink and really matching... Id say 90% smiles and nods.

I mean how do you not smile at a dude in a cut off Barbie shirt?

 

[Gainz.]

LOOK WHAT I JUST FUCKIN BOUGHT!!!!!
IM SO FUCKIN PUMPED!!!
Just ordered my girl and myself matching purple converse. Got a deal from them, spend $125 get $50 off. So I got both pairs for $75.
Something told me... Search for the grey on grey Chucks mid streets...
And BOOM MOTHER FUCKER!!!
Used but like new for $42 plus $14.95 shipping.
I've been after these for a while now... So now I have 11 pairs .

And I have another spend $125 get $50 coupon... So... I might either order the custom red ones I want... Or order us matching sweatshirts.

But besides all that... I finally got the fuckin greys!!
She doesn't know yet...
I'll wait till they show up to explain that one

 

[Gainz.]

Oh yeah... I also bought this... I just couldn't help it. I figured if I'm going to have 11 pairs of chucks... This only makes sense

 

[suppsforlife]

who said men aren't shopping addicted? especially when tren is involved

I mean how do you not smile at a dude in a cut off Barbie shirt?

tbh, seeing a dude with 10% bf in a cut off Barbie shirt I would instantly think that it must be really interesting to be his friend. i mean, most people are full of shit, dull and tiresome. imo only an interesting person would wear a cut off barbie shirt

 

[Gainz.]

who said men aren't shopping addicted? especially when tren is involved

tbh, seeing a dude with 10% bf in a cut off Barbie shirt I would instantly think that it must be really interesting to be his friend. i mean, most people are full of shit, dull and tiresome. imo only an interesting person would wear a cut off barbie shirt

I'm sure most of my friends would describe me as "interesting"

I'm definitely not like most people... Not anymore.

The next shirt I'm looking at...
My 7 year old daughter loves unicorns... My girl is obsessed with rainbows... So it only makes sense (in my fucked up brain )

 

[Gainz.]

I just told my girl I got the grey on greys.
She goes... But you have 2 pairs of grey chucks.
I go... yeah.. but not light and dark grey together

 

[Gainz.]

Everything showed up on the same day... Love it.

 

[Gainz.]

All of my Chucks now.. and my girls matching ones
And my girls collection.
Think green is next

 

[CeasarIM]

Gainz you can open up your own store now,Lol

 

[suppsforlife]

All of my Chucks now.. and my girls matching ones
And my girls collection.
Think green is next

awesome collection
you really need the green ones, blue and yellow.

 

[Gainz.]

awesome collection
you really need the green ones, blue and yellow.

I don't wear blue... Only baby blue. And yellow... Why I do look good in it, just not for me.
And yeah I've been thinking about adding green. But that means I have to buy green shoes, shirts, watch, belt... Sunglasses... It's a whole thing.
Plus I just counted all my shirts. (Not including work or sleepwear) And I have 123 shirts... So... I think I'm good for a bit. I have no more closet space or room on our shoe rack.

 

[suppsforlife]

And I have 123 shirts...

are you wearing all of them?